


Death and the Soldier

by kindkit



Category: Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence (1983)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Community: kink_bingo, Ficlet, M/M, Obsession, Possession, Prisoner of War, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindkit/pseuds/kindkit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Celliers dreams of Yonoi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death and the Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a fill for the Kink Bingo prompt "possession/marking."
> 
> Content notes: Implied, canonical character death. No other standard Kink Bingo content notes apply.

Throughout the long days when the sun shrivels him and the flies crawl over his undefended face, throughout the long nights when sweat trickles into his mouth and makes him thirstier, Jack Celliers dreams. He dreams of his brother singing and welcoming him to a garden that is half jungle and half some unknown supposed homeland: England perhaps, or Eden. Yes, naturally he dreams of forgiveness.

But there are other dreams. He dreams of Lawrence with his warm brown eyes and warm brown voice telling him not to worry. He dreams of roses and vast pools of clean water. He dreams of trivialities: fountain pens, telephones, hot pavement under his feet in summer, his old dormitory at school.

He dreams, more than anything else, of Yonoi. Of kissing him, of the clean warm smell of him and the smoothness of his cheek. Of the shock that transfixed them both and that he could feel in Yonoi as surely as in his own body.

He dreams that Yonoi is his other brother, his other shadow and shame whom he has betrayed with a kiss, like Judas. But Yonoi is not there when he dreams of a small boy in a garden.

Yonoi is . . . Yonoi is . . . he can't bear to die without understanding what Yonoi is.

He dreams once that Yonoi comes to him at night and cuts off a lock of his hair. "I will offer it at my family shrine," Yonoi says. His lips do not move.

Celliers cannot speak. His tongue has swelled in his mouth and his lips crack. "Why?" he asks.

"So that you can never be parted from me."

Soul stealer. That's it. Something went out of Celliers when he looked into Yonoi's eyes across that courtroom in Batavia, something flew from him like a bird and nestled in Yonoi's hands. Yonoi is his doom, his fetch. Yonoi is certainly his death.

"What have you done to me?" It is both their voices speaking, dissonant and eerie. 

"You've killed me," Celliers says.

"You have killed me too, Major Celliers. It is only taking a little longer." Yonoi sinks to his knees in the white sand. "When my duty is done and I am free to die, I will come to you."

The dream wavers into another dream for an instant. Celliers sees his smiling brother and the beautiful garden, and knows that he will never see them again. He is Yonoi's now, and Yonoi is his. He opens his dreaming eyes to Yonoi's face, and he is not sorry. "I'll be waiting."

"It will not be long." Yonoi kisses him, a kiss like a hot coal on Celliers' raw, sunburnt forehead. And then he is gone.

All his life Celliers has run from love. He betrayed his brother because he couldn't bear to love him. Now he's buried neck deep in love that he will never escape. He will die for love and love will have his soul.

Waiting, Celliers dreams of Yonoi, and he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> End Note: The bit about cutting a lock of Celliers' hair and offering it at the shrine comes from the film. I don't know what such a gesture means within Japanese culture, nor indeed am I sure that Laurens van der Post, who included it in the novel the film is based on, didn't invent it. The film was directed and co-written by Nagisa Oshima, so I'm going to assume that in fact offering the hair is possible and meaningful, but as for what Yonoi says it means in my ficlet, well, bear in mind that we're in Celliers' half-dreaming POV.


End file.
